I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Randomize
