i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
