Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
