u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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