I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
