normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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