Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
