As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
