Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
