need another drink. this is the easiest way
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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