I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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