Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
