I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
