i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry about my life...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
