This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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