Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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