He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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