he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He did a backflip because drugs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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