The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
