Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
