your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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