suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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