So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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