Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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