Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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