omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
