If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
