some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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