dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
