So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
