First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
