I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
