Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
