so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
