I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
