Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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