Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dignity is for republicans.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
