I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
