my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
