I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
