so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
