Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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