my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
