I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
