I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
