apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
