garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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