my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
