so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
