rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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