I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
