This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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