WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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