she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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