Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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